DannielRadall

“They have an agent before they even have the idea. But theirs “is gonna be different, I swear”. It’ll be like “this” versus “that” with the addition of youth. It will be enough to last for at least a season and enough to get payed and get famous and to get into all the parties without waiting in line.”

Have you ever been this afraid of your own music library that you don’t even want to look at the song titles because they could remind you of her?

She’s so hard to argue with, especially when she’s predisposed to dismiss anything you say.

“My favorite look for a girl right now is a big fur coat, an old t-shirt and leggings. It’s been my favorite look for about 15 minutes (AKA ever since you took a seat in front of me at Gate 8 reading an Instyle magazine and eating your all organic fruit bar).”

The story goes like this,

I used to have a huge crush on this girl a few months ago, (i think i’ve written about her before…) the deal is that i sort of stayed away from her ever since that being by her side would just hurt me eventually. She had boyfriend and i would respect it.

On march 23rd i took her to a Foster The People show in order to make it up to her, somehow, for missing out her birthday. It didn’t end up as expected. Pretty much she made out with one of her “brother-esque” friends at the after party…

And, you know? I don’t blame it on the guy, believe me, i’m not mad at him. I don’t care what happened, really, but her? shit, man. I respected her and her speech of cheating on her boyfriend, i understood it and the times we dated subsequently i didn’t try to do anything, even though i was dying to do something; which was basically the reason why i was staying away at first.

I told myself i wouldn’t look for her anymore unless she came first. I never complained or showed any sign of anger that might have displayed my inconvenience. One day she probably took a hint and hit me up through facebook asking for my mobile number because she’d lost her phone; i gave it to her but added no extra word to the message. She wrote me the next morning saying i better put on the table my problem instead of acting so rude (?) because as far as she knew she didn’t do anything to me to make me act this way (how was i acting like? i had not even spoken to her for about a month), and that if i was not interested anymore i should better let her know because she’s sick and tired of looking for me like a fool…

Seemed like i had missed a big part of this conversation because i certainly had no idea of what i did or said to make her feel like that. I came across this girl a few weeks ago at a party i was working at and she took me outside the venue to talk, we agreed i would call her later that week because we didn’t finish talking; i didn’t. I haven’t called her yet to be more specific.

It doesn’t hurt, it just makes me think what would have happened, you know? basically the chances this time were my side of the balance, and if i would have really really wanted it, i could have pulled the strings myself but i didn’t. 

It just feels like a “pale” taste in mouth.

Update: Right before posting this last friday (i’ve been hesitating for a while) i called her after reading she was moving out. She picked up and said indeed she’d just moved out.

It still feels “pale”.